October 28, 2010
5:15pm
My boyfriend was telling me last night about how he needs to get a "wife beater" for his halloween costume. I always cringe at the word that is so commonly thrown around for this type of undershirt. It is such an ugly thing to be so comfortable saying. I told him how much I hate the use of that work and he replied "yeah, the actual name for those shirts is A Frame". After talking about language and word use for a little bit, he agreed that we need to rethink they way we use words. I was so inspired by last week's writing assignment and what everyone had read in class that I told him advocacy starts with one person and I want to be that one person who get's him to change his way of thinking about language. I really believe that just changing one person's word choice is a start to taking away this ugly slang for a men's tank top undershirt. I am happy to say I spoke up and changed the mind of one person.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
October 24, 2010
6:20pm
I was up at camp this weekend and one of my fellow staff members who I am do not know very well blurted out "my brother married my best friend and now they are getting a divorce and my whole family blames me for setting them up in the first place". All I could think was "wow" and "why are you telling me this?" but instead said "do you want to talk about it?" Her response was "no. I don't know. Well I don't know how to be a girl and so I don't know how to deal with this, so I figure I should talk about it with someone who does know how to be a girl, so that is what I am doing. So yeah, I guess we can talk about it". I was so perplexed by this idea that she did not know how to be a girl. I do not know her very well and I never cared to get to know her because she is a bit too crass for my taste, but in this moment I felt bad for her. I learned she grew up with 3 brothers and an unemotional mother and therefore had not learned the social construction of being a girl. I think it is a very interesting topic and she exemplifies how society constructs what is meant to be a girl.
6:20pm
I was up at camp this weekend and one of my fellow staff members who I am do not know very well blurted out "my brother married my best friend and now they are getting a divorce and my whole family blames me for setting them up in the first place". All I could think was "wow" and "why are you telling me this?" but instead said "do you want to talk about it?" Her response was "no. I don't know. Well I don't know how to be a girl and so I don't know how to deal with this, so I figure I should talk about it with someone who does know how to be a girl, so that is what I am doing. So yeah, I guess we can talk about it". I was so perplexed by this idea that she did not know how to be a girl. I do not know her very well and I never cared to get to know her because she is a bit too crass for my taste, but in this moment I felt bad for her. I learned she grew up with 3 brothers and an unemotional mother and therefore had not learned the social construction of being a girl. I think it is a very interesting topic and she exemplifies how society constructs what is meant to be a girl.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
catching the flowers
October 20, 2010
11:50am
I went to a wedding reception this weekend with my boyfriend as his plus one. I did not know anyone there and I was mostly there to fulfill the ritual of bringing a date to weddings. I was keen to lay low since it was a small event. My boyfriend introduced me to a few people there and I made small talk at the table, and that was all I was really planning on doing. The time came when the bride was about to throw her bouquet into the crowd of ladies who thought that whoever caught it would be the next of the bunch to get married. I did not really want to participate in this ritual for several reasons. I did not care about catching it, I did not want to stand in a crowd of women I did not know, and I was thinking about how awkward it would be if I did catch it. I decided to stay off to the side when the groom caught my eye. I met him for a moment earlier and he was not shy about walking up to me and dragging me onto the dance floor to participate saying "if you are female you have to be up there". I was kind of irritated because I was content just watching, but stood up there anyways to fulfill my duty as a women at a wedding. I did not like that I was pressured into doing something that I did not want to do based simply on my gender. I wanted to resist, but really felt like it was not the time or place to protest, especially when the groom was the one bringing me up there. It was his special day and who was I to deny the one request he made of me the entire day?
11:50am
I went to a wedding reception this weekend with my boyfriend as his plus one. I did not know anyone there and I was mostly there to fulfill the ritual of bringing a date to weddings. I was keen to lay low since it was a small event. My boyfriend introduced me to a few people there and I made small talk at the table, and that was all I was really planning on doing. The time came when the bride was about to throw her bouquet into the crowd of ladies who thought that whoever caught it would be the next of the bunch to get married. I did not really want to participate in this ritual for several reasons. I did not care about catching it, I did not want to stand in a crowd of women I did not know, and I was thinking about how awkward it would be if I did catch it. I decided to stay off to the side when the groom caught my eye. I met him for a moment earlier and he was not shy about walking up to me and dragging me onto the dance floor to participate saying "if you are female you have to be up there". I was kind of irritated because I was content just watching, but stood up there anyways to fulfill my duty as a women at a wedding. I did not like that I was pressured into doing something that I did not want to do based simply on my gender. I wanted to resist, but really felt like it was not the time or place to protest, especially when the groom was the one bringing me up there. It was his special day and who was I to deny the one request he made of me the entire day?
Thursday, October 14, 2010
a visit with my grandma
October 14, 2010
4:30pm
I just got home from visiting my grandma in the hospital and there were a couple things that really stood out to me.
First of all, she was very adamant on having a female nurse. She made it very clear to every man that came in that he was not to help her out of bed or use the bed pan because she did not want a man looking at her that way because she was uncomfortable. I thought this was very interesting. IN this day and age, male nurses are much more common yet I feel that women like my grandma make it hard for men to enter feminine jobs such as nursing. I know that the reason she wanted a female nurse is because it makes her uncomfortable having a man in her private areas, but still, it made me think about how hard it is to be a male nurse.
Another topic we discussed was my 6 year old cousin. My grandma was telling me how my cousin, Ella, thought she was fat and would not wear shorts at all this summer. I was disgusted that this innocent little six year old would get a horrible idea in her head like that. She is healthy and in no way overweight. She has two older brothers that tease her, but they would never be down right mean. Apparently my aunt had to have a serious conversation with her about body image. My aunt is a really great person and I know she knew what she was doing, but I am upset that she even had to have that conversation. Part of being six is feeling safe and comfortable with who you are, and anyone who takes that away is not ok with me.
4:30pm
I just got home from visiting my grandma in the hospital and there were a couple things that really stood out to me.
First of all, she was very adamant on having a female nurse. She made it very clear to every man that came in that he was not to help her out of bed or use the bed pan because she did not want a man looking at her that way because she was uncomfortable. I thought this was very interesting. IN this day and age, male nurses are much more common yet I feel that women like my grandma make it hard for men to enter feminine jobs such as nursing. I know that the reason she wanted a female nurse is because it makes her uncomfortable having a man in her private areas, but still, it made me think about how hard it is to be a male nurse.
Another topic we discussed was my 6 year old cousin. My grandma was telling me how my cousin, Ella, thought she was fat and would not wear shorts at all this summer. I was disgusted that this innocent little six year old would get a horrible idea in her head like that. She is healthy and in no way overweight. She has two older brothers that tease her, but they would never be down right mean. Apparently my aunt had to have a serious conversation with her about body image. My aunt is a really great person and I know she knew what she was doing, but I am upset that she even had to have that conversation. Part of being six is feeling safe and comfortable with who you are, and anyone who takes that away is not ok with me.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Hernias are for men
October 12, 2010
5:20pm
I recently found out a friend of mine has a hernia. After talking and joking about Joey from Friends also having a hernia, I realized that I actually was pretty curious about what it was like. The idea is that the abdominal wall tears causing the intestines to push against the skin. I realized that women could probably get them too and that they were not just a problem for men. When I asked him what he thought about this notion he said "well I guess women could get them but really, hernias are for men because we do the heavy lifting". I wanted to protest and say "yeah but I can do heavy lifting too" but then I realized, its nothing compared to what men lift. Men are biologically stronger and are more prone to get hernias, but the comment was really just something that kind of has been sticking with me for a few days now and I wanted to share it here.
5:20pm
I recently found out a friend of mine has a hernia. After talking and joking about Joey from Friends also having a hernia, I realized that I actually was pretty curious about what it was like. The idea is that the abdominal wall tears causing the intestines to push against the skin. I realized that women could probably get them too and that they were not just a problem for men. When I asked him what he thought about this notion he said "well I guess women could get them but really, hernias are for men because we do the heavy lifting". I wanted to protest and say "yeah but I can do heavy lifting too" but then I realized, its nothing compared to what men lift. Men are biologically stronger and are more prone to get hernias, but the comment was really just something that kind of has been sticking with me for a few days now and I wanted to share it here.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Can I sit there?
October 4, 2010
3:20pm
I had a very interesting experience this past weekend regarding seating arrangement at a movie night with friends. First, a little background information: I just started dating Mike a few weeks ago and he invited me to a movie night at his house with a few friends and one of his roommates, Kevin. When everyone arrived, one guy, Lloyd claimed his seat on the middle of the couch. Kevin and his girlfriend were also on the couch and others were in chairs. Mike brought his computer chair into the room for more seating. At this point, there were enough seat for everyone, but because Lloyd was on the couch, there was only one spot next to him and the one spot in the chair. Mike and I were the only two left to sit and when people started to realize that we were not going to be able to sit next to each other, the guys immediately turned to Lloyd and told him he had to move. He was not happy about it, but after a moment, he moved to the chair and Mike and I sat on the couch.
There are a few interesting things going on here. First of all, I was never expected to sit in the chair. Second, even though Lloyd sat down first so he could get the best spot, he was expected to move for me and even though he did not want to move, he did not complain about it. I think it is interesting how even in a day and age where there is a push for equality, there still tends to be gentlemen like tendencies. For example, men hold doors open for women. In the same sense, men give up their seat for women. It was a small act, but to me it was very significant because not only was he expected to give up the seat he claimed ten minutes early, he was expected to do it because he is a man. This really made me experience some of the things Anthony often talks about in class. Gender expectations go both ways and sometimes men get the short end of the stick too.
3:20pm
I had a very interesting experience this past weekend regarding seating arrangement at a movie night with friends. First, a little background information: I just started dating Mike a few weeks ago and he invited me to a movie night at his house with a few friends and one of his roommates, Kevin. When everyone arrived, one guy, Lloyd claimed his seat on the middle of the couch. Kevin and his girlfriend were also on the couch and others were in chairs. Mike brought his computer chair into the room for more seating. At this point, there were enough seat for everyone, but because Lloyd was on the couch, there was only one spot next to him and the one spot in the chair. Mike and I were the only two left to sit and when people started to realize that we were not going to be able to sit next to each other, the guys immediately turned to Lloyd and told him he had to move. He was not happy about it, but after a moment, he moved to the chair and Mike and I sat on the couch.
There are a few interesting things going on here. First of all, I was never expected to sit in the chair. Second, even though Lloyd sat down first so he could get the best spot, he was expected to move for me and even though he did not want to move, he did not complain about it. I think it is interesting how even in a day and age where there is a push for equality, there still tends to be gentlemen like tendencies. For example, men hold doors open for women. In the same sense, men give up their seat for women. It was a small act, but to me it was very significant because not only was he expected to give up the seat he claimed ten minutes early, he was expected to do it because he is a man. This really made me experience some of the things Anthony often talks about in class. Gender expectations go both ways and sometimes men get the short end of the stick too.
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